I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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