And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
