why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
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