Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
