Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize