She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
