Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Randomize
