i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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