just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
