I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
