i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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