You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
