I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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