omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
