im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
