when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
