I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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