I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
