I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Randomize
