WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
