this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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