Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
