I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
