She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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