Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
