I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
