Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
