So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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