god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
