She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
