I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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