he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
