I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
