I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
