Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
