dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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