What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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