where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
