i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Randomize
