i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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