In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
