I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
