I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
