I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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