You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
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only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
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Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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