Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Ketchup is God's man juice
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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