the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
