i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
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The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
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All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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