rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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