A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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