its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Randomize