I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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