dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
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