Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
