i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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