is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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