Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
