Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
