its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
