You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
