i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
