Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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