Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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