i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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