I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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