Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
We had sex on a dog bed..
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
