Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
