Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
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I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
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Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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