Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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