My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
