nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
