I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
