I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I did not marry a roomba.
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