you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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