Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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