what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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