I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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