He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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