I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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