If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
