Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
