I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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