he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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