Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
