Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
